my dads a douche bag.
I'm actually feeling much better now :T
YOSH
2009
september
eleventh
So I've decided to start an auto-blogathy. That I will try to submit an entry every day. About my amazing adventures through my (boring) life. So lets begin. It really isn't pleasant the way I think personally.
Today was like any other day that I've been having for the past...ehh...I'd have to say year; maybe longer (or shorter; It'd probably be more accurate if it was about the whole summers time which was around June 3rd-ish but it didn't seem to take full force until the end of the summer). I wake up wanting to just sleep the day away. Wanting to do nothing at all. To feel the numbness that I try to achive at any given moment to make me not feel anything.
What usually happens is I either:
a) Keep turning off my bagillian alarm on my phone off and my alarm clock
b) Do part 'a' and wake up at 6:08 suddenly
c) Get out of bed and start my day
Today I picked 'c' since you know, you need to change things up a bit once in a while. I got up, turned on my light of both lamps and then headed to the bathroom, washing my face and everything. I put my headphones in and allowed myself to be swallowed by that numbness that I've felt for a long time and do my usually routine.
I get dressed, get my stuff packed up for school; panicing and having a panic attack on the way to the bus stop. Worrying that my Art teacher will call my leaf watercolor a piece of crap. But that is quickly forgotten as I am yet again listening to my I-pod. Which is being switched between You're Going Down and My World by Sick Puppies for the past couple of days.
I go onto the bus. And sit next to Mike, who which I find extremely annoying and want to slit his throat almost every time he talks. I get so angry and rage. Taking it out on him; almost as if I'm blaming him for my cruddy mood for the past couple of months (maybe longer, I can't remember anymore when it started.) like it's his fault. I feel bad but I don't give a rats ass since he keeps on interrupting me out of my hazzy-numbness. Making me talk and actually engage in conversation. I just want to sit there and daydream of nothing, to be swallowed by the haze; never wanting to come out at times. I continue to tell him in my way that I either don't care or don't know how to respond so I'll just do this. Which is a thumbs up and me smiling, nodding my head. He finally got the message and stopped talking to me. So I turned up the sound on my I-pop(still switching from You're Going Down and My World).
Next I walk into the school, walking slower; giving me more time to not having to react to anyone and continue this numbness that I seem addicted to. Giving up on the effort it takes to walk quickly; making everything seem to be going in slow motion. Good nothing coming to fast at all. Just the way I like it. I gather my stuff for my classes and walk at a crawling pace. Go upstairs to avoid going to a table where I really rather not sit in the morning. I feel even more alone when I sit with them. As if I'm from a different world. I just want to be with some friends that understand me.(and not copy off of me, we one person at that table I think does. Seriously I take time out of my life to come up with things that will make people say or think about the way I dress or what I say, "Hey that's definitely Alex." Fucking bitch. But I still love her like a sister at times. :T Choices, choices.)
Sadly one of the two "Ash" duo is gone. It sucks since their close friendship reminds me of how alone I am. And the fact that I don't have anyone to call my "BFF" or "bestie". Which also reminds me another pair of my friends. "L" and "S" that have gone to college. I hurts when they say that they're best friends in front of me, same with the "Ash" duo. Since I have no one. To depressing.
So I go and say to the "Ash" that's there. We exchange some simple conversation before I engulf myself in "Sloppy Firsts" (which has inspired me to do my auto-blogathy.). I suddenly reconize at how me and Jessica Darling are similar:
a) Gone into a numbing daze
b) Periods are MIA
c) Single and wanting
d) Go through school not really wanting to hang out with anyone
e) A close (best friend for Jessica) moved away
f) An urge to go running at times (to go into a numb-like-state again for both of us.)
I read that like a sun turns to a flower for energy, life. The bell rang, went to first hour(study hall) and read it again. Yay, numb-like-state.
The rest of the day flies by in that numbing like state. (Plus I feel to lazy to enlighten everyone about this. For the two people who watch me? < :T) Though during gym I felt like I was in bliss, being able to run. Stupid fucking flag football. I just want to run around the track. Forget everything and start balling my eyes out for how bored I am, depressed, and how much I miss my friends. School sucks with the "friends" that I'm left with. The person that made it some how barely reaching bearable has moved. I shall call them "QUACK", and I think another one has just come along, I'll call them "DERP". "DERP" has made it manageable and I actually enjoy hanging out with them, it's the only time I like being out of the painfully numb haze.
In like less than 20 minutes! :P
ONLY COSPLAYS I"M DOING FOR ACEN! HUR HUR HUR
OTHER IT WILL BE FUTURE COSPLAYS! :D
ABEL I LOVE YOU!
HE'S FROM STARFIGHTER HE'S EPIC :P
HUR HUR HUR
I MIGHT DO BOTH OF HIS OUTFITS!
I HEART YOU! HAHA
YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT THE COMIC
EVEN THOUGH IT'S FULL OF GAY (AHEM BUTTSEX SPECIFICALLY) HUR HUR HUR
HER'S DA LINK: www.starfightercomic.com EPIC
ABEL BELONGS TO HAMLETMACHINE! HUR HUR!
I THINK THAT'S HOW YOU SPELL HER NAME(SN HUR NOT REAL ONE)!
PEACE YO! :)
Went today to the sprint store. They still don't have my mo fo phone >:c
COME ON
They've been open for only 2 hours and they're sold out >:C
Well going tomorrow to see if they have it(and we ordered it this time to make sure I have my phone tomorrow)
Hopefully I'll get it before registration >C
I want my LG Rumor 2222222222222222222 D<
I've been with out a phone for almost a weeeeeeeeeek >C
Oh gosh!
Why does there have to be so many beautiful/sexy guys in the Anita Blake vampire slayer series!
Hahaha. It's totally amazing! Almost done with the sixth book! :P
On another note:
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....
....
Aww... I feel bad for laughing. Does that make me some what of a good person?! <:D ah hahaha..ha...
Oh yeah!!!!!
わたしわすこしにほんごがわかります。
くくく。
LOL if you understand that you are like amazing ohohohoho!
So yeah I'm Alex and if you want to get to know me better just send me like a message on her or whatever and we can talk! :P
lol gift exchange read more
on HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME!