Alex’s blog

my dads a douche bag.

I'm actually feeling much better now :T
YOSH

2009
september
eleventh

So I've decided to start an auto-blogathy. That I will try to submit an entry every day. About my amazing adventures through my (boring) life. So lets begin. It really isn't pleasant the way I think personally.

Today was like any other day that I've been having for the past...ehh...I'd have to say year; maybe longer (or shorter; It'd probably be more accurate if it was about the whole summers time which was around June 3rd-ish but it didn't seem to take full force until the end of the summer). I wake up wanting to just sleep the day away. Wanting to do nothing at all. To feel the numbness that I try to achive at any given moment to make me not feel anything.

What usually happens is I either:
   a) Keep turning off my bagillian alarm on my phone off and my alarm clock
   b) Do part 'a' and wake up at 6:08 suddenly
   c) Get out of bed and start my day

Today I picked 'c' since you know, you need to change things up a bit once in a while. I got up, turned on my light of both lamps and then headed to the bathroom, washing my face and everything. I put my headphones in and allowed myself to be swallowed by that numbness that I've felt for a long time and do my usually routine.

I get dressed, get my stuff packed up for school; panicing and having a panic attack on the way to the bus stop. Worrying that my Art teacher will call my leaf watercolor a piece of crap. But that is quickly forgotten as I am yet again listening to my I-pod. Which is being switched between You're Going Down and My World by Sick Puppies for the past couple of days.

I go onto the bus. And sit next to Mike, who which I find extremely annoying and want to slit his throat almost every time he talks. I get so angry and rage. Taking it out on him; almost as if I'm blaming him for my cruddy mood for the past couple of months (maybe longer, I can't remember anymore when it started.) like it's his fault. I feel bad but I don't give a rats ass since he keeps on interrupting me out of my hazzy-numbness. Making me talk and actually engage in conversation. I just want to sit there and daydream of nothing, to be swallowed by the haze; never wanting to come out at times. I continue to tell him in my way that I either don't care or don't know how to respond so I'll just do this. Which is a thumbs up and me smiling, nodding my head. He finally got the message and stopped talking to me. So I turned up the sound on my I-pop(still switching from You're Going Down and My World).

Next I walk into the school, walking slower; giving me more time to not having to react to anyone and continue this numbness that I seem addicted to. Giving up on the effort it takes to walk quickly; making everything seem to be going in slow motion. Good nothing coming to fast at all. Just the way I like it. I gather my stuff for my classes and walk at a crawling pace. Go upstairs to avoid going to a table where I really rather not sit in the morning. I feel even more alone when I sit with them. As if I'm from a different world. I just want to be with some friends that understand me.(and not copy off of me, we one person at that table I think does. Seriously I take time out of my life to come up with things that will make people say or think about the way I dress or what I say, "Hey that's definitely Alex." Fucking bitch. But I still love her like a sister at times. :T Choices, choices.)

Sadly one of the two "Ash" duo is gone. It sucks since their close friendship reminds me of how alone I am. And the fact that I don't have anyone to call my "BFF" or "bestie". Which also reminds me another pair of my friends. "L" and "S" that have gone to college. I hurts when they say that they're best friends in front of me, same with the "Ash" duo. Since I have no one. To depressing.

So I go and say to the "Ash" that's there. We exchange some simple conversation before I engulf myself in "Sloppy Firsts" (which has inspired me to do my auto-blogathy.). I suddenly reconize at how me and Jessica Darling are similar:
   a) Gone into a numbing daze
   b) Periods are MIA
   c) Single and wanting
   d) Go through school not really wanting to hang out with anyone
   e) A close (best friend for Jessica) moved away
    f) An urge to go running at times (to go into a numb-like-state again for both of us.)

I read that like a sun turns to a flower for energy, life. The bell rang, went to first hour(study hall) and read it again. Yay, numb-like-state.

The rest of the day flies by in that numbing like state. (Plus I feel to lazy to enlighten everyone about this. For the two people who watch me? < :T) Though during gym I felt like I was in bliss, being able to run. Stupid fucking flag football. I just want to run around the track. Forget everything and start balling my eyes out for how bored I am, depressed, and how much I miss my friends. School sucks with the "friends" that I'm left with. The person that made it some how barely reaching bearable has moved. I shall call them "QUACK", and I think another one has just come along, I'll call them "DERP". "DERP" has made it manageable and I actually enjoy hanging out with them, it's the only time I like being out of the painfully numb haze.

In like less than 20 minutes! :P

ONLY COSPLAYS I"M DOING FOR ACEN! HUR HUR HUR
OTHER IT WILL BE FUTURE COSPLAYS! :D

SH2NURSE

2 comments

YAY SILENT HILL 2 NURSE!























ABEL I LOVE YOU!

SF_EXTRA_05

HE'S FROM STARFIGHTER HE'S EPIC :P

HUR HUR HUR

I MIGHT DO BOTH OF HIS OUTFITS!

STARFIGHTER_PANELS_01_by_HamletMachine

Went today to the sprint store. They still don't have my mo fo phone >:c
COME ON
They've been open for only 2 hours and they're sold out >:C

Well going tomorrow to see if they have it(and we ordered it this time to make sure I have my phone tomorrow)
Hopefully I'll get it before registration >C

I want my LG Rumor 2222222222222222222 D<

I've been with out a phone for almost a weeeeeeeeeek >C

Oh gosh!

Why does there have to be so many beautiful/sexy guys in the Anita Blake vampire slayer series!
Hahaha. It's totally amazing! Almost done with the sixth book! :P

Crispin

And if I knew this gorgous wereleopard would be in the 15th book[and counting :P] I would have been going through the books as if they were water! Hahaha! Lol He's also a stripper, working at Guilty pleasures. Which is also the name for the first book in this series! [I recomend that you read this lol even though it becomes those "romance" novels later on the action sequences are fantastic and amazing!


On another note:

Jocelyn-wildenstein-horror